


Cherryberry Oneshots - Crackfic Edition

by Interverse



Series: Cherryberry - Alternate Timelines [14]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Crack, Fluff and Crack, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Smut and Crack, What am I doing with my life?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-08-03 08:19:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16322627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Interverse/pseuds/Interverse
Summary: Ah yes, Cherryberry, my OTP. So, of course I'm going to ruin it for everyone by writing this bullshit.To make this more interesting, imagine this is all happening in the same universe. Petition to make a new series of AUs called Cracktale, Crackswap, Crackfell, CrackSwapfell...The nsfw [yes there is crack porn in here leave me alone] chapters are marked in their notes.





	1. Payback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stretch has a reoccurring nightmare that bleeds into reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Stretch's POV/NSFW]
> 
> Even by the standard of crack, this is madness. They're pretty out of character, especially Red, and this is the closest I've ever come to being ashamed of my own writing. It's terrible, I'm warning you. The plot is absolute bullshit and totally unrealistic, but I won't delete it. Nope. Not happening.
> 
> Few chapters here live up to this one's levels of crack, so don't expect this glory to be consistent.
> 
> EDIT: I lied. Now there's lots of chapters like this in here. Have fun.

Stretch curled up into a ball on his bed, wrapping his pillow around his skull in an effort to block out the noises. Sure - his brother was going to fuck Red, and they were going to enjoy it. But  _why_ did they have to be so damn loud?  Was that-? Did his brother really just say  _that_? Nope, not thinking about it. He willed himself to sleep, and mercifully, his body listened.

\---

 _Stretch knocked briefly on his brother’s door._   _“Come in!” came the cheerful reply._

 

 _He opened the door, and saw that Red was there as well. Wait. Stretch’s eyelights blinked from his sockets. Red was in Blue’s lap, his brother’s cock buried deep in his magic. They both looked at him with languid expressions._   _“Hey Papy,” Blue trilled as he reached down to grip Red’s cock. “Wanna join?”_

 

 _“Yeah,” Red panted, sliding up on Blue’s magic and then hilting himself on it again. “Wouldja like to get_ **_stretched_** _?”_

\---

He woke up. What in the actual fuck? He lay there, unblinking, just staring at his ceiling for a while. Wow. He suddenly laughed when he realized he had dreamed of Red’s magic being pink. Had he really thought about the guy’s dick enough to conjure up all these images? Oh boy. He had seen his bro before, though. Kinda unavoidable when you’ve lived together your entire life, and you’re always high out of your mind. Things happen.

 

Stretch slowly sat up, taking a deep breath. Welp. He rolled out of bed and put his sweatshirt on. It was backwards. Well shit. He corrected it, then started to put his shorts on. He basically stubbed his toe on the fabric when it caught on a seam. Today was just not his day.

 

He went downstairs and found the two Sanses curled up on the couch together. Blue was in Red’s lap, leaning back on the larger skeleton, who was massaging one of his hands. Stretch allowed himself to take in the sight. Yes, this is what he wanted to see. His moment of serenity was shattered when he recalled the very real noises from the previous night. He had heard his brother beg Red to- ugh, fuck. Fuck that. He may ship them, but he did not want to imagine his brother that way. “Hey lovebirds,” he said, rooting around in his pocket for a cigarette.

 

Red snapped his head around to glance at him. “Yo, what the hell? How long have you been standing there?”

 

“Like, ten seconds.”

 

Red grunted, then turned back. Blue placed a light kiss on his companion’s cheek before looking at his brother. “Hey Papy!” He made a face when he saw him lighting his cig. “Breakfast is in order, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, bro.”

 

The rest of the day was a run-of-the-mill lazy Sunday, and even though he did nothing at all, Stretch was happy to finally fall back into bed when night rolled around. Then, more noises. Oh god. What in the actual fuck? Red was one hell of a dirty-talker. It honestly didn’t bother Stretch as much as he would have thought until he heard Red call his brother by name. Not again, fuck this, nope. Stretch grabbed his pillow and blanket, then settled on the couch instead. Sweet, sweet silence.  _Take that, ya horny bastards._

\---

 _Stretch walked into the bathroom, locked the door, hung up his towel, then threw the shower curtains aside._   _He found the two Sanses inside, and Blue was in Red’s lap, much like he had seen earlier that day, the only difference being that the other’s cock was up his brother’s ass. They didn’t notice him, and kept going. They were very loud. How had he not noticed them making noise before he had opened the curtain?_

 

 _He couldn’t bring himself to do anything more than stare at them in utter shock, eyesockets stretching wider than he thought possible as Blue screamed Red’s name, then came all over himself. Red was soon to follow, biting Blue’s shoulder and staining his insides purple._   _They finally opened their eyes, and saw him. “O-Oh,” Blue practically moaned, “Hi Papy.” He reached down and wiped up some of his cum on his fingers, then placed them in his mouth, sighing at the taste of himself._

 

_“Heh.” Red wiped some more of Blue’s ectoplasm up and licked it from his phalanges. “Mmm. Aye Stretch, wanna help us clean up? There’s plenty here.”_

\---

Awake again. That had been worse. Oh god. Huh. Well, at least Red’s magic had actually been  _red_  this time. Wait, why did he care? Fuck. Luckily though, Red had left before he awoke, as he had to get back to his universe before his asshole brother noticed he was missing. Stretch considered sitting his own down and having a little chat with him about quieting down, but soon concluded the awkwardness of the situation would be far from worth it.

 

Fortunately, he had woken up early from the dream, so he could sneak back to his room to avoid any questions from Blue. That night, his sleep was deliciously dreamless. But a few days later, Red was back. Back in Blue’s bed, back in Blue’s- ugh. Save him. Save his Soul. Stretch made another trip to the couch, and basked in the glorious silence once more.

\---

_Ahh, time for bed. He opened his bedroom door, eager to get some sleep, but found that his bed was already occupied. At first, it looked like Blue was just resting his head in Red’s lap, but Stretch quickly got with the program when his brother lifted his head, then sucked in a long breath when Red’s cock sprung from his mouth, the Fell skeleton_ _’s low groans assaulting him as well. How come he only started making noise when Blue pulled away? He took the entirety of the other monster’s length into his mouth again, which was impressive, because Red’s dick was absolutely gigantic._

 

 _Blue looked up and took Red out of his mouth again, gripping the larger skeleton’s magic with his hand instead. “Oh, hey Papy. Wanna help me out here? He’s quite a lot to handle.”_   _The monster punctuated his statement by shoving Red down his throat again. Stretch didn’t reply, probably because it felt as if his head might fall off if he opened his mouth._

 

_“Yeah dude,” Red grunted, shifting to look at him. “Nobody sucks dick better than Blue, but I wouldn’t mind an extra set of hands. M’gonna get goin' soon - last chance.”_

\---

And then he was awake again. How in the- what the fuck. Surprisingly, it had been worse to watch Blue blatantly deepthroating his boyfriend than it had to watch them fuck. Also… there was no way Red was actually that big, right? His mind had given the motherfucker a cock that reached all the way up to his ribcage, what the hell?

 

He couldn’t get back to sleep. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to, honestly. He messed about on his phone, and managed to push the dream from his mind. He was surprised when 10 rolled around and Blue hadn’t gotten out of bed. Stretch walked up the stairs to his room, leaning his skull against the door to listen. He didn’t hear anything. Was it creepy? Yes. Did he care? No. Blue was adorable when he was asleep, and he had to catch a glimpse. He opened the door, and froze. This had to be another dream, right? Blue was atop Red, the other skeleton’s magic clearly visible through the translucency of his brother’s ecto-body. Nope. He wasn’t dreaming.

 

Red noticed him, and let out a shrill shriek, halting Blue in his movements and causing him to whip his head around to stare at him as well. Red was floundering, arms flailing about wildly. “FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK OH FUCK-” His hands finally found Blue’s shoulders, and they were gone.

 

“Fuck! Shit! S-Sorry!” Stretch practically screamed, but the teleport had ended and Blue’s bed was empty. How. Hadn’t Red left? Wait. No. That was in his dream. Stretch stood there, doing nothing, for minutes, until he finally walked out of the room, and into his own. He reached for his stash and smoked until he was so high that he could pretend he hadn’t just witnessed that. He quickly fell asleep, and unfortunately, upon waking up, he found that the image was still very clear in his mind.

 

He had never eaten, so he was pretty hungry. He looked at the clock, and it was about time for dinner. He started to sit up, but immediately fell back down onto his pillow with an ‘ _oof_ ’.  Maybe he shouldn’t have smoked so much. He eventually managed to push himself into a sitting position, and started playing around on his phone. Yeah, he definitely was still pretty high, because even after what he had seen, he shivered when he reached down to scratch an itch on his iliac crest.

 

Eh, why not? He unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts, rubbing at his bones until he manifested. With a sigh, he went about his business. Jerking off while looking at memes. What a prize he was.

 

His door was roughly swung open, and Red sprang inside, staring hard at his dick. “Dude! What the fuck!” His phone flying from his hands in his haste, Stretch desperately tried to stuff himself back into his shorts, but gave up and just pulled his sweatshirt down to cover himself instead.

 

Red punched the air with both of his fists in rapid succession. “Fuck yes! Payback, bitch!” He looked at Stretch, a deranged expression on his face. “Now I’ve seen your dick too! It was- uh- orange! Fuck yeah it was! Fuck you! WOOOOOO!”

 

Stretch looked back at him, face flushed with his magic. “How in the hell did you know what I was doing in here?!”

 

Red let out a few barks of crazed laughter. “I didn’t, but your whole house reeks! And I know how horny I get whenever I’m high! FUCK YES! I CAUGHT YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!”

 

Stretch de-manifested, thoroughly turned off, and zipped his shorts back up. Red finished celebrating, literally jumping into the air several times as he hollered, then finally looked at him again, breathing heavily. He glanced down at Stretch’s phone, which had landed face-up at the foot of his bed. “Dude, you like to whack off while looking at memes? What the fuck, you’re weird as hell.”

 

Stretch narrowed his eyesockets at the other skeleton, quickly coming up with a retort by drawing on his new knowledge. “Says the guy with the spiky dick.”

 

Red looked back up, eyelights fading from his sockets. “All the better to fuck your baby brother with, my dear.”

 

As if he was summoned, Blue walked into the room, and placed his hand on Red’s shoulder. “Hey, guys. Is everything alright? You were making quite a bit of noise.”

 

Stretch shook off his surprise at Red’s previous comment and gave his brother a lazy smile. “Yeah, bro. We were just laughing at these memes.” He gestured to his phone.

 

Blue smiled, rolling his eyes. “I’m shocked and amazed.” He placed a quick kiss to Red’s cheek, causing the other’s eyelights to finally blink back into his sockets. “Come on, Red, help me with dinner?” Red turned to look at his alternate, managing a small smile. Blue ushered him towards the door, then turned back around. As Red was slipping through the doorway, he flipped Stretch off with both hands. He really wanted to return the favor, but his brother was right in front of him. “So, um, Papyrus…”

 

Stretch groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “Bro… I’m so,  _so_ sorry… I don’t know what I was thinking, barging into your room like that…” He let out a long breath, then looked back up at his brother.

 

Blue was blushing a bit, but was able to meet his gaze. “It’s okay. It was my fault for forgetting to lock the door anyway, but, just… knock next time, will you?”

 

“Uh… yeah…”

 

“And,” Blue added, “Maybe you should lock your door too the next time you decide to have some…  _alone time_.”

 

Stretch stared at him, face rapidly growing hotter. “I… I, uh… h-how did you know?”

 

Blue rolled his eyes. “Please, Papy. Red was screaming way too loud for me not to hear about what was going on. You pretty much traumatized him.”

 

Stretch narrowed his eyes. “Oh? And he hasn’t done the same to me?”

 

Blue shrugged. “You kind of had it coming.”

 

Stretch stared as his brother walked out of his room with a giggle, shutting the door behind him. That cheeky fucker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry.


	2. Popsicles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red and Blue have been dating for a few months now, but they haven't slept together. An awkward situation arises, and Red is forced to do some thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Red's POV]
> 
> This barely qualifies, but I don't think it actually happened, so I'm putting it here.

Red snickered. “Okay, okay… why should ya stand in a corner when you’re cold?”

 

Blue rolled his eyes, but continued entertaining Red’s puns. “Why?”

 

“Because they’re 90 degrees!”

 

Blue stared sternly at the other skeleton, but eventually broke and giggled a bit. “Okay… that one was good.”

 

Red draped his arm around his counterpart’s shoulders and sighed. They were in Blue’s living room, sitting and talking about anything that came to mind. Red blushed a small bit when Blue snuggled into his side and pressed his teeth to his cheekbone, then continued. “If Stretch had told me that pun though… I would be doing no smiling.”

 

Red smiled at that. “They’re better from me?”

 

“Well… not really, actually. I just love you too much to care.”

 

Red began stuttering out a reply but Blue saved him by pulling him into a kiss. Red parted his teeth, allowing access. Blue’s tongue entered the other's mouth to find his, and the larger monster relaxed at the taste of him.

 

“Gross, guys.”

 

Red whipped his head to the side to see Stretch standing in the front doorway, smirking with his browbones raised. His face flushed a bright shade of crimson but Blue seemed mostly unbothered, just giving his brother a sheepish smile. Stretch chuckled and entered the house, walking into the kitchen.

 

Red tried to shake off his flusterment. “I thought he would be gone longer…”

 

Blue shrugged. “Well, I guess he was just too tired to stop at Muffet’s on the way home from the store. It’s alright though, he’ll probably just stay in his room.”

 

Stretch popped his head out from the kitchen. “Hey guys, I picked up some popsicles. Want one?”

 

Blue nodded happily, and not wanting to be the odd one out, Red accepted as well.  Stretch handed them each a popsicle, then sat down in a chair with his own. The two Sanses opened theirs and Red’s mind did a nosedive straight into the gutter. Blue’s was red, and his was blue. His face burned as Blue gently licked at his, seeming oblivious to the implications.

 

Stretch glanced over, inconspicuous green popsicle in hand, and cocked his head upon seeing Red’s face flushed with his magic. He looked at them for a moment more, before his eyes widened and he clapped a hand over his mouth. Blue turned to his brother when he heard a noise akin to choking from his direction. He looked back at Red, noticing his face. “Uh… are you alright?”

 

He glanced back in the other direction again as Stretch coughed, his eyes pricking with tears. Blue narrowed his eyesockets. “...What?” The skeleton squinted at the others for a few more moments before his eyelights flashed and his cheeks flushed cyan. “ _Oh_.”

 

Stretch completely lost it and burst out laughing while Red’s face grew ever brighter, and Blue quickly joined him in his blushing. Holy shit. What now? Red looked for any way out of the situation, but couldn’t think of one. In a desperate need for this horror to end, he stuffed his entire popsicle into his mouth and swallowed it. The cold burned his throat as it absorbed into his body. It was blue-raspberry flavor. Realizing what he had done did nothing less than feed the situation, he threw his hands in the air, completely done. “God fucking dammit!”

 

At that point, Stretch was laughing so hard that no noise was coming out, and Red could see faint orange tear tracks on his cheekbones. Blue coughed loudly, still looking quite uncomfortable. “W-Well… you guys need to grow up… I’m the youngest here and yet I’m the only one who treats completely normal food as…  _food_ …”

 

Stretch began wheezing, trying to calm down. As smoothly as he could manage, Blue began eating his popsicle again, keeping his tongue firmly inside his mouth and only consuming it in bites. His efforts to calm the situation didn’t do much. Stretch gave up and fled up the stairs to his room, leaving them to fend for themselves in the disaster that had unfolded. As for Red, he still had no idea what the hell to do.

 

Blue finished, then calmly grabbed Red’s leftover stick and went to throw it away along with his own. He sat back beside Red and a smothering silence filled the room. Eventually, Blue sighed and turned to his partner. “Well… that was something, huh?”

 

“Er, yeah… sorry for ruining the moment…” he chuckled weakly. “My mind just had to go and see a few certain things, I suppose.”

 

Blue blushed all over again. “Uh… you mean that’s what you wanted to see?”

 

Red’s sockets widened, and he clumsily searched for a sufficient answer. “Uh, well, I uh… maybe if… no… I don’t know, uh-”

 

Blue put a finger against his teeth, shushing him. The smaller skeleton was blushing just as much as Red but he was able to keep his composure better. “Maybe… we can talk about it when my brother isn’t home…”

 

Red, truly out of words, licked his finger, and Blue recoiled, gasping. “Red!” They stared at each other for a moment, then the laughter bubbled over, and the perils were forgotten.

 

Later that night, with Blue curled into his arms, sleeping peacefully, Red couldn’t stop thinking about it.  _Is_ that what he wanted to see? I mean… of course he had thought about it… and… may or may not have jerked off a few times while doing said thinking… but did he  _really_ want it? He and Blue had never talked about it, because Blue never brought it up and there was no way in hell he would either. He had made a few jokes here and there but no serious talk of sex had taken place between them.

 

Honestly, he didn’t know anything about Blue at all when it came to things like that. What if he got scared off if Red did something he found weird? What if they weren’t compatible? What if Red freaked out and ran away in the middle of something? He wasn’t even sure if he was ready for Blue to see him like that. He trusted him, but this was something else entirely, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it.

 

He looked down when Blue made a noise in his sleep. It was cute, like a contented whimper. Red focused on his alternate and the affection for him fluttering in his Soul until he managed to fall into a light sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of popsicles colored in awkward ways was not my idea, but I certainly had fun writing it anyway!


	3. Drabbles - Batch 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, a few drabbles. I define something as a drabble if it's under 500 words, and I don't think I could force myself into a word count that low if it wasn't crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are all inspired by either OTP prompts or vines.

Blue blinked, looking up at Red, who was standing by the light switch. It was a bit hard to read when the room was nearly dark. “Why’d you dim the lights, Red?”

 

The Fell monster rolled his eyes in response. “Because I wanna save power, duh.” He looked Blue in the face for an uncomfortably long moment. “And because I wanna suck your dick.”

 

“Wha-!”

\---

Red looked up from his phone, scrunching his browbones together as Stretch stood over him. It wouldn’t be all that concerning if the motherfucker wasn’t so tall. “Do you know why I’m addressing you?” Stretch asked flatly.

 

He glanced back down to his phone, really not in the mood to be interrupted. He was in the middle of recalling how Blue had picked him up and fucked him against the wall the previous night. “No, I have no idea-” He looked back up to find that Stretch’s horrendous orange sweatshirt was no more. “Where’d your shirt go?”

 

Stretch stared at him, dead serious. “Take off your fucking pants.”

 

“Okay what the fuck-”

 

The Papyrus burst out into laughter, pulling his sweatshirt out from behind him and slipping it back on. “I was trying to imitate Blue. How’d I do?”

 

“What in the actual fuck? How in the hell-”

 

Stretch rolled his eyes. “You guys think you’re so quiet. You sounded like you were really enjoying yourself last night with the way my bro was-”

 

Panic sliced through Red’s Soul. “Shut the fuck up and go suck a billion dicks you-”

\---

Blue clapped his hands. “You did the laundry? Oh, Red, I could kiss you!”

 

“Heh, no problem sweetheart.”

 

Blue put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him in his attempts to leave the room. “No, seriously, I could kiss you.”

 

It’s a bit hard to reply when you suddenly have someone gripping your face and enthusiastically shoving their tongue down your throat.

\---

Red and Blue halted in their walk when Black approached them, staring down at their joined hands. “Hey,” he asserted, “I don’t suppose either one of you…” He paused, looking like he was about to dust them both. “...Know the secret to a healthy relationship?”

 

“ **Communication** ,” Red and Blue answered simultaneously.

 

“Agh, thank you-”

\---

Red jumped as a disc was shoved in his face.  “Aye, I made a mixtape for our friendship,” Stretch barked at him.

 

Red rested his head on Blue’s shoulder, who was in his lap. “Uh, okay? Pop it in, and let’s have a listen.”

 

He rolled his eyes as Stretch put the disc into their player. It was probably going to be a bunch of earrape and memes and-

 

“I WANNA SUCK YO DICK!” Stretch’s recorded voice screamed from the TV.

 

Red was speechless, but Blue had a lot more to say than normal. “What the fuck?!”

\---

Red’s eyes widened as some skeezy looking dog monster eyed Blue in a way that he really didn’t like. In a moment of desperation, he knocked Blue’s leftovers out of his hands. “Shit! Sorry Blue!” Good thing the takeout boxes from where they had stopped for dinner were practically made of titanium.

 

“Oh! It’s no problem!” Blue bent down to pick it up, and Red set to work zealously air-humping his ass while staring very forcefully at the dog monster. They seemed to get the message, and moved on. Worth it. Though, he would probably regret it more than his own birth after all the alcohol wore off.

\---

Blue groaned. “Man, I don’t feel good… I always forget how much it sucks to be sick.”

 

Red shuffled closer. “I can help you feel better?”

 

“Yes please. How?”

 

He shrugged. “You know, make you feel better, make you feel good.” He paused for a second, his eyelights flicking around the room. “I’ll suck your dick.”

 

“...Um...”

 

“I mean you did say that it _sucked_ to be sick-”

\---

“Do you wanna have a bromance?”

 

Red looked at Stretch, making a face. “I’d rather swallow a dick.”

 

“Dude, you literally just did last night, and you didn’t even come up for air once. Man, my bro’s lucky. And loud.”

 

“WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU-”

\---

Red put his spoon down, sighing and slightly regretting his decision to eat an entire carton of ice cream. “Man, my mouth’s cold…”

 

Blue smirked. “Want me to warm it up for you?”

 

Red blushed and bit the inside of his cheek. “Um… y-yes…”

 

He watched, confused, as Blue proceeded to make him hot chocolate. “Uhh…”

 

“This is what you meant, right?” Blue asked.

 

“S-Sure, yup, definitely…”

\---

Red came home from work extremely confused. “Uh, Blue?”

 

The skeleton by the same name looked up from the dishes he was washing. “What is it, Red?”

 

The Fell monster looked over his shoulder at the closed door, almost as if he expected someone to be there. “I met a group of really friendly monsters on the way home, and they gave me a bunch of compliments, saying I looked… useful?” Red sighed. “And then they gave me a friendship symbol… I think???”

 

He held out his hand to reveal a black stamp on his palm in the shape of an upside-down Soul. Blue facepalmed, groaning. “Red… that symbol is for a group called the _Heartholders_ … you… you just joined a gang…”

 

Red looked at his palm, horrified. “What?? How was I supposed to know?” he choked out. “In Underfell, you have to kill someone of the leader’s request to join a gang!”

 

Blue cocked a browbone. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but yeah, I can see why they wanted you.”

 

Red looked down at himself. “Uh… why?”

 

Blue smirked. “Because you’re super hot. Let’s go take a shower together, and wash that stamp off, shall we?”

\---

Blue sighed as Red came home with a huge bottle of whisky. “Red, we were going to have a night in tonight! You know, just me and you…”

 

Red set the bottle down and smiled casually. “It’s a Tuesday. I know how to restrain myself.”

 

Blue knew from experience what that meant, and his knowledge was confirmed when Red way laying face-down on the bed, groaning at 4 PM. “How’re you feeling there, mister ‘I know how to restrain myself’?”

 

Red, with a bit of difficulty, rolled onto his back, then started dragging himself to the edge of the bed. “I’m feeling fantastic, sweetheart. Cummere, I can still suck your di-”

 

Red’s claim - which was entirely false - got cut off when he went too far and toppled off of the bed, then resumed the whole groaning while laying face-down act. Blue rushed over to him and scooped him up in his arms, eyelights glittering. “Red? Are you okay?”

 

The larger skeleton blushed, then buried his face in Blue’s shoulder. “Uh… now that you’re here, yeah.”

 

Blue smiled, leaning down and planting a kiss on his forehead. “Do you want to go to bed right now?”

 

Red wrapped his arms around Blue’s midsection. “Nope. Ya gotta carry me around with you for the rest of the night.”

 

Blue rolled his eyes. “Okay, I’ll go vacuum and do some aerobics.”

 

Red let out a choked sound of protest. “Oh no. Fuck. Nope. Put me down.”

 

Blue sniffled, forcing a twinkle into his eyelights. “Wow, and here I thought you loved me.”

 

Red was silent for a while. “Yeah, but I’m also super drunk, so I’d just barf all over your shirt.”

 

Blue giggled a bit. “Honestly, I wouldn’t mind, as long as I still got to spend time with you.”

 

“Kinky.”

 

“Stars, Red, _no_ -”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even this deep into crackland, Stretch doesn't actually like Red, he just loves to mess with him because it's hilarious.


	4. Far Out, Man...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red gets some strange ideas when he's high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Blue's POV]

Red face-planted into the bed he shared with Blue. The other skeleton was there now, and nudged him over onto his back. “It’s about time for bed, huh, Red?” he asked.

 

The Fell monster nodded sluggishly, allowing Blue to help him out of his clothes and tuck him in. The smaller monster wiggled under the covers a moment after, twining his legs with Red’s and leaning in for a kiss. He pulled back after a second, making a face. “Are you high?”

 

Red chuckled guiltily. “Uh… Stretch was feeling generous, and I was feeling stressed out… so yeah, I am.”

 

Blue sighed, but still snuggled into his chest and lovingly traced over the scars on his ribs with a finger. “So,” Red said after a while, “I’ve been thinking about something.”

 

“What’s that?” Blue asked.

 

“Okay, so, what if there are AUs where we don’t exist? No Sanses.”

 

Blue hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I know there are ones where we dust at birth and stuff, but ones where we never existed in the first place? I’m not sure.”

 

“Oh, or wait,” Red added, “What if there are ones where there aren’t any monsters _at all_. Like, it’s only the humans all happy on the surface.”

 

Blue cocked a browbone. “That would definitely be strange, but I don’t think so, because I’m sure Dream and Ink would know about them.”

 

“But that’s just it,” Red said, “Maybe we can only see and access AUs where we exist! So, they could just be invisible to us!”

 

Now this really got Blue thinking. “I mean, I suppose we can never know for sure, so I guess that could be possible, yeah.”

 

Red suddenly burst out laughing. “Oh man! What if there’s ones where we do exist, but just as fictional characters?!”

 

Blue giggled. “That would be funny. I wonder if people ship us?”

 

Red hummed thoughtfully. “They’d better,” he concluded. “What if they write smutty fanfics about us?”

 

Blue’s face warmed a bit. “That would be… something…”

 

“And I bet they do the weirdest shit, too! They’d give us fucking tentacles and like… five dicks.”

 

Blue sighed. “Stars…”

 

“Oh! And not to mention the art!” Red cackled. “I bet they’d make us all have huge cocks that reached up to our ribcages!”

 

“Stars, Red! Enough,” Blue huffed, groaning into his boyfriend's sternum.

 

“Fine, fine,” he relented. “Hey, what if someone’s writing about this exact moment right now?”

 

Blue smiled at that. “Unlikely, but that would surely be something, yes.”

 

Red raised a middle finger into the darkness of the room. “Quit writing about us, ya lowlife loser! Mind your own damn business!”

 

“Red,” Blue quietly scolded, “This theoretical person isn’t hurting anyone, so just leave them be.”

 

“I guess,” Red said, followed by a yawn. “Why do I always have the most interesting ideas when I’m high?”

 

“I don’t know,” Blue murmured, “But you’re getting a little too into it, I think. That would be crazy, someone writing about this _exact_ moment…”

 

Red mumbled his agreement, and they drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *X-Files theme*


	5. Drabbles - Batch 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few more drabbles - all original ideas this time, at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Mixed POVs]

Blue took a bite of his food, smiling. Shrimp and pineapple had indeed sounded strange in theory, but he had stumbled across the recipe on the Undernet and his curiosity had gotten the better of him. Luckily, it panned out and he was pleasantly surprised. “How are the tacos?” he asked once he had swallowed, glancing across the table at Red.

 

Blue shook his head, sighing in equal parts affection and exasperation as he watched Red chew and swallow the entire half of a taco he had stuffed into his face in one bite. Once the food was down, he smirked. “Really good, Baby-Blue.”

 

Blue smiled. “Oh, I’m glad, I didn’t think they’d be your thing, but-”

 

“If they were a person, I’d fuck ‘em.”

 

Blue’s eyesockets stretched wide and he dropped his food back onto his plate, jaw falling open. “Red!” he yelped shrilly, cheeks warming.

 

His alternate shrugged. “Nah, I suppose not.” He paused, staring at Blue, who was still in a shocked silence. “If they were _you_ , I’d fuck ‘em.”

 

Blue buried his face in his hands, groaning. “Stars… Red… why…”

 

“I’m dead serious,” Red said. “Do we have a taco costume anywhere?”

\---

Blue looked up from his book, hearing as his phone buzzed beside him. He picked it up, and smiled when he saw a text from Red. He opened it, and grew a bit confused. ‘ _hey blue. can i come over for dinner in a few?_ ’

 

Blue typed out his reply, browbones raised. ‘Well, you can come over, but it’s barely past noon, so dinner won’t be for a while.’

 

Red’s reply came more swiftly than normal. ‘ _damn, you got me. i guess i’ll rephrase that. can i come over and have sex with you in a few?_ ’

 

Blue rolled his eyes, marking his place in his book and setting it aside with a chuckle. He should’ve seen that one coming. He smiled as he replied. It had been a few days since Red was last over, so it’s not as if the request displeased him. ‘ _Wow, you’re so romantic, how could I ever possibly even think of refusing?_ ’

 

Another speedy reply from his boyfriend. ‘ _even though that was sarcasm, we can still do it, right?_ ’

 

Blue crossed his legs, leaning against the headboard of his bed. ‘ _Yeah. I have a bit of cleaning to do, so I’ll see you in about an hour?_ ’

 

Blue nearly vomited when he saw the reply. ‘ _no pls bby i need u now mhm so gud i cant w8 any longer._ ’

 

Of course, Red would resort to the worst possible grammar to get his way. Blue sighed heavily, giving in to the tactic once again. ‘ _If you promise to stop texting like that, than sure._ ’

 

Blue was absolutely shocked when he saw the reply. ‘ _Okay, Blue. I’ll be over in about five minutes._ ’

 

Red had… capitalized things??? His name… and even his ‘ _i_ ’s’??? And he spelled _okay_ correctly??? Blue clumsily tapped out his reply, messing up his own grammar a couple times in his disheveled state, but luckily catching and fixing it before he sent the message. ‘ _Red… you… you just used correct grammar. Are you feeling alright?_ ’

 

‘ _yeah. i did promise, didn’t i? love you._ ’

 

Well, it was nice while it lasted. ‘ _I love you too._ ’

\---

Blue tapped Red on the shoulder, who flicked his gaze up from the screen of his phone in acknowledgement. “Hey, Red!” he chirped. He pulled out his phone before continuing. “So, Undyne gave me a list of cute activities for couples, and suggested we try them.”

 

He pulled up the list she had sent him. “The first one is checking each other’s search histories.”

 

“U-U-Uh okay,” Red stammered, a drop of sweat beading on his forehead.

 

Blue raised a browbone. “Are you alright, Red?”

 

“Heh, yeah,” he wheezed, averting his eyes. “Just a bit hot in here, s’all.”

 

Blue didn’t think so, but he took his word for it. “Okay, I’ll show you mine first.”

 

He could see Red furiously tapping at his phone out of the corner of his eye as he pulled up the Undernet’s browsing engine, but didn’t pay it much mind. He pulled up his history, and held it out to his boyfriend. Red looked it over, grunting and nodding a bit. It wasn’t all that noteworthy, just filled with searches for general knowledge and a few games.

 

Blue set his phone down and accepted Red’s into his hands. He narrowed his eyesockets when he saw what Red had apparently been searching for. The entirety of Red’s history was just the word ‘ _ass_ ’ typed over and over.

 

He looked up, to find his partner as red as his namesake. All that frantic tapping from just a few moments prior made a bit more sense now. “Red… did you do this just now?”

 

“Maybe,” came the strangled response.

 

“Hmm…” Blue started to scroll down, ignoring Red’s pitiful sound of protest, until he came to something new. He glanced up, a bit confused. “...A human search engine?” He’d only heard the term ‘ _Google_ ’ a few times, all of them from Undyne.

 

Red didn’t reply. Blue clicked on the link, then opened the search history for that engine. His face flushed cyan as he stared at the words before him. ‘ _underswap sans x reader. underswap sans x listener. underswap sans nsfw. underswap sans sin._ ’ The list went on and on. All searches of him, very inappropriate things of him, from a search engine that must have originated in that one AU where they were literally only a video game.

 

“I-I-I can explain-”

\---

Stretch knocked loudly on Blue’s door. “OH MY GOD. YOU GUYS NEED TO QUIET THINGS DOWN IN THERE. I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT-!”

 

Red stared in confusion at the closed door, but he flushed crimson when he realized what Blue’s brother was screaming about. “Oh my fucking god, Stretch! We’re literally just playing cards!”

 

“Uh… yeah,” Blue commented, face also warmed. “Come in and see.”

 

Stretch hesitantly opened the door, to find the two Sanses innocently doing just that atop Blue’s bed. “Okay, fine, fine. But why in the actual _fuck_ is Red moaning while playing cards? You’re one kinky motherfucker-”

 

“I wasn’t moaning!” Red snapped. “I was… making passionate noises to express my strong emotions about the fact that Blue’s won five fucking times in a row!”

 

Stretch squinted, his own cheeks dusting over with his magic. “Well. I uh… guess that also explains why Blue’s been screaming so loudly about how ‘ _good_ ’ something felt. I, uh…” he inched towards the doorway, “Imma gonna go to Muffet’s-” he mumbled, then bolted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely hope I will never run out of golden dialogue lines for Red.


	6. The Buffest of the Berries That Are Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue is strong. Red really likes dick. A few things happen because of this combo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Red's POV/NSFW]
> 
> OH GOD- this one is B A D. Like, maybe even worse than chapter 1??? It's like... more smutty and fucking stupid and I wrote this in 20 minutes and kill me now god what have I done-

Blue had always been strong. He could lift his brother and Red and even Alphys - fully clad in her armor - up into the air with ease. At first it had embarrassed his boyfriend, that he could pick up the Fell monster like it was the most low effort task to ever grace him. But… it felt nice, too. To be encased in another’s arms, knowing they are fully capable and beyond willing to protect you from anything that might try and do you any harm. Those times, when he was held in the air, supported only by his love’s arms while the smaller skeleton whispered declarations of love and kissed him gently… Red came to see Blue’s strength as happiness material, rather than material to protest against.

 

However, after a few more recent… developments, Red saw it more as jizzing your pants material than anything else. He sat there, stealthily stroking himself under the blankets that he shared with his lover, burning face hidden in his free hand as he recalled their last few times together.

 

Red had been hitting a bit of a submissive streak lately - though it was more along the lines of laziness - and he decided that being held in the air while Blue fucked him senseless was an idea even more amazing than decking Stretch across the face with a rabid lobster.

 

Blue had shyly agreed, gently picking him up and supporting him against the wall. Of course the Fell skeleton was already rock hard, throbbing, and drooling an ungodly amount of precum just from this alone and the sight of Blue’s rigid magic before him, so they wasted no time on foreplay. The smaller skeleton sunk inside of him with a breathless moan, and tried to go slow, but Red demanded he do the opposite of that.

 

With a whimper, Blue met the request, at first just to please Red, but then because it felt fucking amazing to pound him into a wall to hell and back. Blue’s arms were too busy supporting him, and Red’s were too busy clinging for dear life onto his alternate, so his cock hung neglected and pulsing between them, but honestly? It was so fucking worth it. Red screamed and squirmed as his magic twitched violently and spewed a hot stream of crimson liquid, quickly getting smeared all over the both of them with the intensity of Blue’s continued thrusting. Apparently, standing made Blue last ridiculously long, because he must have blown five loads of cum onto the both of them before the Swap monster finally released the first of his within his stinging magic with a high pitched cry.

 

Red was set down, a shivering, sticky, overstimulated mess, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t been happier in months. Of course Blue made a huge fuss about it and smothered him to near dusting with aftercare for literal hours preceding their wallbound sexcapades, but Red didn’t feel it was needed, seeing as he was grinning like a fucking dork on steroids the entire rest of the day.

 

So, it was far from surprising when Red was practically on his knees begging and pleading to be lifted into the air and fucked raw again as soon as his magic had recovered the next day. He wasn’t sure if it was because he just annoyed Blue into compliance or because he had been so pathetic, but he liked to believe that his companion was enjoying it as well at least somewhat.

 

This time was even better, because there were no walls to hold him. Blue gripped onto his summoned thighs and held him facing outwards, leaving him to create quite the impressive little wet spot beneath them with how clear a path his inevitable rivers of precum had straight into the carpet. But of course, that was not the extent of the mess. As Blue proceeded to once again milk his cock like a fucking pro without even touching it, Red turned the other monster’s room into a crime scene with how much crimson fluid was suddenly splattered everywhere.

 

And the next day, they did it again. Blue hunched over this time, so that Red’s face was parallel to the ground. It was pretty much an instant nut with the first of Blue’s thrusts due to how sensitive and abused his magic was, but that only made it better.

 

But then, Mondays. Fuck them. Fuck them as hard as Red wanted Blue to fuck him up the ass again. Why? Because the Swap monster had to go to work early in the morning, leaving Red’s body painfully vacant of dick.

 

And that left him here, moaning Blue’s name like a bitch in heat while he jerked himself straight into the fiery pits of hell and failed miserably at trying to replicate the feeling of his boyfriend inside of him with a few of his clawed fingers.

 

Long story short, those sheets were ruined and beyond by the time Blue got home from work, but the smaller skeleton honestly didn’t even mind that much upon seeing that Red had already taken action and bent himself over a desk, wiggling his hips and consequently his magic glowing ass as his cock leaked between his legs.

 

As the months passed, Blue quickly discovered that Red’s extremely specific fetish was him being strong and destroying his ass, so he needed to up his game. Stretch offered the helpful advice that Blue should bench press Red with nothing but his dick, and the spiky bastard was so thirsty and desperate for a certain cyan dick that he didn’t even give a shit that Stretch apparently knew about his increasing hunger for cock up his ass and new hate of floors and furniture.

 

In fact, he popped a boner right in front of him that very moment, and still didn’t give a flying fuck. Oh the joys of having penis on the brain. ...Or skull.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s o b


	7. Drabbles - Batch 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's midnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should go to bed.

To Blue’s horror, Red actually managed to make him laugh with one of the puns he was flooding him with, so to cover it up, he gripped the Fell monster’s hand tighter and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Hey!” Red weakly protested, face the same color of his namesake. “Underswap’s Capital is not the place to be making out in the street!”

 

Blue gave his boyfriend an unimpressed look as they continued walking towards the ferry. “You do know that there is a distinc-”

 

Blue did not finish. Oh, did Blue not finish. His hand went slack in Red’s and the larger skeleton turned to look at him. “You aight?”

 

Blue just pointed ahead of them, and Red followed his gaze, then immediately let go of his hand and doubled over laughing. Blue stormed to the end of the street. “Papyrus!”

 

Stretch stopped dancing and turned to look at him. Now, dancing enthusiastically on a street corner is strange by itself, but when you’re doing it while holding a giant sign that says ‘WEED’ outside of an establishment selling just that, it’s weird on a whole new level. Red ran up to them, still coughing as he tried to suppress his laughter. “Stretch-! Stretch, what the fuck-! Wait, dance again, I need to film this-”

 

“NO!” Blue snapped, glaring furiously at the both of them.

 

Stretch shrugged and set one end of the sign on the ground so he could lean on it. “What?”

 

Blue opened his mouth, then closed it, but Red covered for him. “I think what he’s trying to say is something along the lines of ‘ _boy do I sure love it when Stretch shoves his own fist up his ass_ ’-”

 

Okay, so maybe he didn’t. “No,” Blue said with a sharp inhalation of breath, “What I was trying to say was what the FUCK are you doing???”

 

Stretch shrugged. “I got a job.”

 

And then Red was laughing again, and some monster was walking from the weed store to glare at Stretch. “You’re fired.”

 

“Damn.”

 

“AHAHAHAAHAHHAAHHA-”

 

“Why are you like this?”

\---

Blue sat, face flushed with his magic as he innocently held his alternate’s hand as Underswap’s Undyne stood before them. He glanced at Red, and the fishface spoke up.

 

“Instant nut.”

 

“What the fuck,” Red stated flatly.

 

The two skeletons shifted uncomfortably, and consequently brushed shoulders.

 

“Know any good places that sell pants? Mine are full of jizz now.”

 

“Do you even _have_ a dick??” Red asked, expression somewhere between confused, confused, confused, confused, and confused.

 

Undyne shrugged, adjusting her glasses. “The power of your gay relationship made me grow one.”

 

Blue, with nowhere to go, hid his face in Red’s shoulder, a decision he quickly regretted as Undyne started moaning loudly.

 

“FUCK yes-”

 

The only time the bitch didn’t stutter was when she was quoting someone else or extremely passionate about what she was saying, so that confirmed just how serious she was. Blue gave up on life, and burrowed deeper into the fluffy hood of Red’s jacket.

 

“Fuel my fanfics harder daddy~~~”

 

_Why though?_

\---

“Tag their relationship in ten words, go.”

 

Blue knew he and Red were doomed as soon as his brother spoke, considering their other table guests were Slim, Comic, his Undyne, and Alphys from Undertale.

 

“Tighter than both their asses must be at this point,” Slim started.

 

Ded.

 

“Able to make me wetter than my eyes from anime,” Alphys said with a shrug.

 

Rekt.

 

“Better than the sex they have according to my fics,” Undyne suggested.

 

Rip.

 

“Less likely to end than my raging erections at naptime,” Comic hummed.

 

Wasted.

 

“More consistent than my thirst to give Red a titjob,” Stretch said with a smug look at the two of them.

 

Long story short, they died. Long story long, they died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help


	8. Drabbles - Batch 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time it's 2 in the morning, and I _really_ need to go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new theme for these drabbles; they relate to chapters in the book of legitimate [Cherryberry oneshots](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16227080/chapters/38097788) I have.
> 
> I'll tell you which at the end, but they all consist of pure, unbridled smut if you planned on looking at them and that's not your thing.

Blue marched up to Stretch and crossed his arms. “Brother.”

 

The Papyrus looked up from his phone, raising a browbone. “What is it, Sans?”

 

“Because of your carelessness, I ate some of your brownies and I ended up dirty talking to Red!”

 

“What the fuck-!” a voice from behind him screeched, and Blue found himself to be grabbed by the shoulders and yanked into the kitchen just as Stretch burst into hysterical laughter.

 

“What in the actual fuck, Blue!” Red repeated, this time in a hiss, staring at him with his entire face flushed a bright crimson.

 

“What?” Blue defended. “You’re the one who said that blaming last night’s events on my brother was ‘ _a fucking fantastic idea, love_.’”

 

“Yeah, internally!” Red groaned, slamming his face into one of his hands. “I didn’t mean literally walk up to the motherfucker and blame it on him with _words_!”

 

“I still don’t see the problem-” Blue started, but was cut off.

 

“You just revealed intimate details of our sex life to fucking _Stretch_ , of all people!”

 

Blue thought about this for a second, then fell into a pit of despair deeper than the thoughts he had thought after accidentally eating all of those weed brownies. “Oh _stars_ -”

\---

“What the fuck?” Red choked as he gestured to where Stretch and Slim were passionately making out in their living room. “What is this shit? Why the fuck- this is our fucking _house_ , morons!”

 

The two Papyruses didn’t seem to hear him, the spikier of the two slipping a hand beneath Stretch’s ugly ass sweatshirt to feel him up or some shit. Red was about to protest further, but was stopped with a hand on his shoulder. “Come on Red, don’t you remember when we fucked on the floor right where Slim’s knees are right now? Our payback is perfectly and beautifully silent.”

 

Red squinted at his fiance, then nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first was from chapter 11, 'A Series of Unusual Events' and was actually inspired by a comment from [KrystalTwi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krystal_Twi/pseuds/Krystal_Twi) as well! They wrote the second sentence from Blue, bless them.
> 
> The second was from chapter 15, 'Alone'.


	9. Fanart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue and Red discover some art of themselves, of various levels of family-friendliness. Hilarity ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What have I done?

Blue eyed the folder of images his Undyne had sent him with great suspicion. The note attached said, ‘ _Look at these with Red! But make sure nobody else can see your screen…_ _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_ ’, whatever that meant.

 

He was sat in Red’s lap now, the computer in his own. “Shall we have a look, then?” he sighed.

 

Red grunted in affirmation, so Blue opened the folder, and found the first image to be some art of him. He smiled. “Oh, whoever made this is so talented! I have to say the shade of blue is a bit off, but I quite like the style.”

 

“...So we’re reviewing art of ourselves from that universe where we’re only fictional characters? Uh, okay, sure,” Red hummed.

 

Blue went to the next picture, to find an image of Red. It was quite impressive, but Blue could feel the heat of Red’s blush on the back of his neck. “Damn… why do I look so…”

 

“Cute?” Blue finished for him, smiling even though Red couldn’t see it.

 

“Uh… I guess…” Red mumbled, shifting. “Sadly mistaken, artist. I’m-”

 

“No you’re not,” Blue cut him off before he could put himself down any further, then scrolled to the next image. He did not regret his decision.

 

“Oh, stars!” he exclaimed, happily looking at the photo. “We’re a ship??” The art was of him and Red, snuggled up together and looking so in love that Blue’s Soul was practically melting into a happy cyan puddle.

 

“I uh… I guess we are…” Red murmured, wrapping his arms around Blue’s ribcage from behind and pressing a gentle kiss to his shoulder.

 

Blue grinned, knowing that meant Red liked it as well, and scrolled to the next image. It was him agai- wait. Was that..?

 

“Nah,” Red scoffed. “Your dick’s way bigger than that.”

 

Blue would have spit his drink out if he had one. “R-Red- what??? That’s the first thing that comes to your mind??? And…” he squinted at the picture, “No it’s not! That… _thing_ is completely unrealistic in size and quite frankly terrifying!”

 

“I think the real point here is that people are thirsting after our glowing magical cocks. Like, what the fuck. Humans are kinky,” Red added.

 

Blue still couldn’t take his eyes off of the picture. “Why are all my teeth fangs??? Why is there a concerningly large amount of drool hanging off of my tongue??? Why am I… _touching myself_ in the middle of Snowdin Forest??? What??? Huh???” He was so beyond confused that he almost forgot how embarrassing this was in the first place.

 

Red sighed and reached around him to move on to the next picture, clearly growing impatient with Blue’s rambling. He choked on his breath when he saw what was next, as did Blue, though blushing was the main component of this time’s reaction for him.

 

It was Red’s turn. “What in the fuck??? Why am I staring so seductively at us through the screen??? Why does my fucking dick have a piercing in it??? That makes no sense??? Why am I flipping the camera off??? That doesn’t go very well with having a hand down your pants??? The fuck???”

 

Red was again the one to move on to the next image, clearly uncomfortable looking at explicit art of himself. Blue couldn’t exactly agree. Despite all of its flaws and inconsistencies from what he knew to be reality, it looked… _nice_ … kinda… maybe… sorta- okay what the hell. This one really took the cake. It was both of them, but this time they were both naked and doing things together involving certain magical constructs.

 

Blue’s eyesockets stretched wide when he was suddenly invaded by something prodding at him from below.

 

“Red what the fuck.”

 

“Sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw somebody else do this... so I attempted to recreate it in an actual narrative format without showing any images. How'd it go?


	10. Dicc Ficc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red has a revelation; there are many, _many_ amazing words for male genitals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Red's POV/NSFW]
> 
> This was a challenge where I had to use a different word for 'dick' every time in a smut fic. Things got out of hand. **Please do not read this.**
> 
> I tried to think of a better title, but this one stuck.

Red reached for the bowl of popcorn, smiling when the ultimate cliche of accidentally touching your partner’s hand went down. He snuggled closer to the other skeleton, sighing and trying to immerse himself in the movie again.

 

It wasn’t very interesting, but-

 

_“Wow, this sure is a swollen sausage.”_

 

Red nearly threw himself off of the couch laughing when he heard _that_ one from the screen.

 

Blue paused the movie and gave him a quizzical look. “Uh… what’s so funny, Red?”

 

He coughed, attempting to gather enough breath to speak. “Cummon, don’t tell me you didn’t hear that!”

 

Blue raised a browbone, but then he sighed and placed his face in his hand. “Oh.”

 

“I’m never using another term for a dick ever again!” Red wheezed.

 

Blue crossed his arms, cheeks tinted cyan. “ _Please_ do. Anything but that.”

 

Red shrugged. “Alright. Guess I’m calling them fricksticks from now until forever, then.”

 

Blue’s face fell. “Uh… no, please don’t, I… ugh…” He sighed and slumped over, seemingly giving up. “No. Nope. I’ll pass.”

 

Red smiled mischievously. “You sure about that? You’re not in the mood for some frickstick?”

 

Blue made a face. “If you’re trying to get me in the mood, it’s not working.”

 

Red shifted so he was facing his boyfriend. “What if I promised to stop using questionable terms?”

 

Blue smiled. “Now we’re getting somewhere.” He giggled “That movie sucked anyways.” He gave Red a harsh glance. “And don’t you dare make a joke out of that.”

 

The Fell skeleton moved closer and placed a kiss on his alternate’s nasal ridge. “I won’t. And I promise, no more crazy terms, either.” _At least… not out loud_.

 

Red reached out and Blue accepted the invitation, crawling forward and straddling his lap. Red smiled and gently drew him into a kiss, wrapping his arms around the smaller skeleton’s ribcage and pressing the ball of his piercing against his teeth in a plea for entrance.

 

It was granted, and Red sighed at the sweet, soothing taste of his partner. He grunted in surprise when Blue rotated his hips atop him, eliciting a shy giggle from the other skeleton. Blue gently broke away, then moved downwards and gently ran his tongue up the side of Red’s neck. Red’s breath wavered, and he chose to steady himself by gripping onto Blues’ iliac crests and giving them a small squeeze. Blue huffed into his cervical vertebrae, then ground their pelvises together again, and made no move to stop the motion once he had started it.

 

Red didn’t try to rush things, just sat back and allowed his partner’s enthusiasm to coax his magic into action. It didn’t take that long, considering who was atop him and the fact that said monster’s pubis was gaining direct friction on his. He drew air in through his teeth as his magic seeped from his bones, forming into his cock and pressing up in between Blue’s legs. Wait- no, that wasn’t it.

 

_*cough*_

 

He drew air in through his teeth as his magic seeped from his bones, forming into his _love rod_ and pressing up in between Blue’s legs. The smaller monster broke away from his neck with a shuddering breath, his own pleasure pole springing to life in his pants and rapidly hardening until Blue was satisfied enough to resume his grinding.

 

Red allowed himself a small groan as his boyfriend’s sex sword moved warmly against his through their clothes, but his impatience got the better of him. “H-Hey, Baby-Blue, don’t ya think these pants are a bit unnecessary?”

 

Blue let out a shaky breath and met his eyes. “I… I suppose.”

 

He scrambled a little less than gracefully backward and off of Red’s lap, then shimmied out of his pants. Red hissed through his teeth and throbbed in his pants at the sight of the Swap monster’s weenie springing free. He didn’t have to suffer with his desires for long, though, as his lap was soon filled again, Blue having formed his body and then taking the care to hook a couple of his fingers under the waistband of Red’s shorts to free his trouser snake. Red ran his tongue over his fingers, then reached down and gently spread the lubricant over the other monster’s entrance. Blue let out a long breath once Red had retracted his hand, then positioned himself and sank down on Red’s peepee with a soft groan.

 

Red return the noise, cheeks flushing crimson when his eyes flicked to Blue’s. He reached out and lifted the fabric of Blue’s shirt to give himself a better view of his beef bullet buried within his counterpart’s magic, visible through the transparency of the Swap skeleton’s ectoflesh. With a shy huff, Blue put his hand atop Red’s and guided it downward. He complied, happily gripping onto his alternate’s dingdong and giving it a slow, firm stroke. Blue let another small moan slip from between his teeth, rising on the other skeleton’s piss pickle and wasting no time before settling back down in his lap.

 

Blue gave himself a minute, but once he had adjusted to the familiar feeling of his boyfriend inside of him, he set up a brisk pace, falling forward until their sternums collided and panting into the crook of Red’s neck. He grunted, gripping onto one of Blue’s shoulders with his free hand while he did his best to keep the other moving steadily on his p3n15. He was trying so hard to block out his own noises that he barely even noticed his fingers growing more and more slippery with Blue’s precum until a particularly urgent moan sounded from the smaller skeleton’s mouth.

 

Red finally let one of his own noises slip, swallowing down the drool that had pooled beneath his tongue before speaking. “You… y’about ready to cum for me, sweetheart?”

 

Blue faltered for a second, but resumed his pace a moment later. “Y-Yeah…”

 

When he did, Red was not prepared. He hissed, his hands snapping to Blue’s summoned hips and gripping on tight while his shirt was stained cyan with the Swap monster’s ectoplasm. Blue jerked violently atop him, and before Red even registered it was happening, he was sliding from his spot on the couch. Blue let out a little squeal between his heavy breaths and gasps, and miraculously, was still mounted on Red’s tallywhacker even when the Fell skeleton’s upper half was now resting on the floor. They both stared at each other in shock for a second, then despite the fact that Blue’s bacon handle was still dripping its own cum, they burst into laughter, tears springing into their sockets.

 

When it finally died down, Red’s attention shifted from the hilarity of the situation to how amazing Blue still felt around his winky dink, and how he was not at all willing to move. “You think you can… you think you can work with this?” Red panted, blush reigniting.

 

Blue returned the flushed expression, wrapping a hand around his own meat flute and wiggling his hips, earning a groan from the monster still deep within his magic.

 

“I… could try…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good luck with the trauma-


	11. Skeledick Gets Too Excitement and Does a Whoops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue has a problem. It's bigger than his dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Blue's POV/NSFW]
> 
> The title, you ask? That was what I said, word for word, during the conversation that inspired this. When people can tolerate this shit from you, you know you've found your true friends.

“So, in your opinion, what’s the highest quality fap material?”

 

The question honestly wasn’t that unusual from his brother, so Blue only sighed as their guests began to answer.

 

“Sleep!” Comic instantly concluded.

 

“Memes,” Stretch snicked.

 

“A clean house,” Black sighed, looking entirely uninterested in the situation.

 

“Violence,” Edge growled, eyelights gleaming quite disturbingly.

 

“The success of me or the people I care about!” Rus proudly exclaimed.

 

“My own death,” Slim sighed.

 

Red thought for a moment before answering for himself. “Food. So what about you, Baby-Blue?”

 

Blue opened his mouth, but no words came out. What… what _did_ he quote unquote ‘fap’ to? Well, obviously thoughts of Red, but he couldn't exactly say that in front of everyone else. Only… now he was thinking about Red whilst trying to direct his mind towards a joke answer. To his absolute horror, he was now aroused, in his living room, with his brother and friends right there with him. “I uh, er, my ban… da… na…” he finally muttered, but then regrettably, was thinking about that one time he’d used his bandana to- “Hey, I think I left the heater on in our room, one sec.”

 

Blue fled the scene up to the room he shared with Red, where they didn’t even have the heater in at all. But nobody aside from his boyfriend knew that little fact, now did they? Blue spent what felt like forever getting his magic to calm down, and by the time he had succeeded, he did not have the courage to face the other monsters again, so he only sat there doing absolutely nothing as he died from embarrassment over and over again on their bed.

 

Once the guests had left, Red came up into the room, giving him a quizzical look. “What was that all about? Are you feeling alright, sweetheart? Is something wrong?”

 

Blue mumbled his answer so quietly that there was no way Red possibly could have heard it, so, humiliated, he said it again, louder, and hid his face in his hands. The other skeleton didn’t respond, and Blue knew he would probably be shocked speechless at such news as well, but instead of some bewildered, disapproving, or concerned remark, he felt a hand grip his knee. He looked up to see Red smiling mischievously at him, cheeks tinted crimson. “Sounds like you’re pretty pent up, Baby-Blue. Care for some help?”

 

Blue swallowed thickly, but he was in no position to deny Red’s offer. After all, he was kind of already manifested and hard in his pants from that knee touch alone. By the time Red had climbed atop him and started to kiss his way down his ribcage, Blue was already throbbing and dribbling a concerningly large quantity of precum. He pretty much felt as if he was on the verge of climax already, but honestly was not expecting what happened next. Red gripped his cock through his pants, and then, the said article of clothing immediately needed to take a big fat visit to the washing machine.

 

Red caught on pretty soon from the way he began to squirm and moan, and couldn’t deny it any longer when Blue literally managed to soak through the fabric of his pants. Red sat back, and looked at him, eyes wide. “Did you just… jizz your fucking pants?”

 

Blue was so embarrassed that he didn’t quite know how to function any longer, but still so aroused that he had to force himself to. “I-It’s okay, I can go again!”

 

Red blinked slowly at him, but then his expression relaxed. “Alright. Don’t worry about it, sunshine, just let me take care a’ya.”

 

Blue gulped as Red leaned down and helped him out of his soiled pants. Red leaned in, and as soon as Blue felt the Fell skeleton’s breath on his magic, it was shooting another hot rope of cum. Directly into Red’s eyesocket.

 

Whoops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blue 10/10 would do a whoops again.


	12. Delusional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue adjusts to his new career of denying the obvious while Red sits and helplessly watches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Red's POV/Somewhat NSFW]
> 
> This is a joke squeal to an old fic where they used each other's articles of clothing to jack off. Yep. That's the backstory here.

Once Blue and Red stepped out of the shower they had taken together, they were faced with a large problem. Their favorite articles of clothing were covered in colorful jizz, and the washing machine was conveniently out of commission.

 

Red snapped his head to the side, mouth falling open in shock when Blue casually put his bandana back on anyway, stains be damned. He smiled wide in response to Red’s surprise, eyelights glimmering happily. “It’ll be fine, I’m sure no one will notice.”

 

Red allowed himself to relax. Of course everything would work out; Blue had never let him down before. They got dressed, shared a kiss, walked downstairs, and-

 

“Hey, bro, what’s wrong with your bandana?”

 

Red felt as if his Soul had plummeted all the way to his toes.

 

Blue blinked innocently at the eyeburning Papyrus. “Why whatever do you mean, Papy?”

 

Stretch narrowed his eyes, and pointed directly at the extremely obvious purple patches on Blue’s previously untarnished bandana. “That right there. What got on it?”

 

Blue scoffed and dramatically rolled his eyes. “Grape kool-aid, duh. That’s been my favorite drink my entire life.”

 

Stretch looked like he was equipped with enough frustration and confusion to physically manifest it and use it to slap Blue across the face. “No it isn’t!!! You’ve hated it forever because you think it tastes fake!!! And Red-!” he whirled to face the Fell skeleton, “Why do _you_ have _blue_ stains on your jacket?!”

 

Red was completely speechless and practically comatose from his own embarrassment at that point, so he didn’t even try to answer. Luckily or unluckily - depending on how he chose to look at it - Blue took care of it for him.

 

“Well _obviously_ it’s just toothpaste.”

 

Stretch threw his hands into the air, and literally screamed in his anger. “Monsters don’t have to brush their teeth!!! Our food is _magic_ and causes no oral hygiene issues!!!”

 

Blue grabbed Red’s hand and began to drag him towards the door. “Check yourself, Papyrus. That’s not how it works.”

 

Red limply followed Blue to wherever the fuck they were going, trying not to dwell too hard on the fact that every single one of Stretch’s arguments had been valid while all of Blue’s explanations had consisted of a singular ingredient: bullshit.

 

They eventually ended up at Alphys’ house, but things were quick to go awry.

 

“Sans, why does it look like you guys blew your loads all over each other’s clothes?”

 

Blue cocked a hip out way too far to seem casual and rested a hand on his iliac crest. “Well that simply didn’t happen, Alphys. It looks that way because your entire life is a lie, of course. Don’t you know by now that everything is an illusion?”

 

The reptilian monster spluttered in her shock and probable offense, but Blue was already whisking Red out of there and as far away from the Captain’s house as they could get. This was apparently right back to their room, where things returned to normal for a while, until Blue violently ripped Red’s jacket from his shoulders and casually pulled his dick out of his pants.

 

Red was about to ask him what the fuck he was doing, but he was truly incapable of forming the words. After several minutes of Red’s stunned staring, Edge kicked the door in and walked up to him. “Sans, you need to come back to Underfell this instant and-” He trailed off when he noticed Blue nonchalantly whacking off over Red’s jacket. “Okay what in the actual FUCK.”

 

“What, Edge?” Blue sighed, even though the words were broken up by moans and little huffs of breath.

 

“Give me one good fucking reason for why you’re jizzing all over my brother’s jacket,” Edge choked out, staring at the disastrous scene before him.

 

Blue snorted at Edge’s words, even as he had indeed reached orgasm and was currently tarnishing Red’s jacket even further with another batch of cyan ectoplasm. “I’m not. You’re delusional.”


	13. The Eggplant Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue recounts a terrifying tale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Red's POV, but with a section in Blue's? Hm.]
> 
> Also, this one is even stupider than normal. I wouldn't advise continuing if you're not in the mood to waste your time.

All Red could hear was the pounding of his own footsteps as he raced down the hall. He never ran. Not unless it meant he was going to die if he didn’t, and to him? Death was easily comparable to being away from the monster he loved any longer.

 

The door to the room he had been directed to was slammed open as soon as he reached it, and Blue yelped, but Red didn’t give him time to dwell on his startlement, instead tackling him in a crushing hug. He blubbered and cried and rambled on and on to Blue about how much he loved him, how scared he had been, and anything similar that came to his mind. Blue, who was sat in a hospital bed with an IV stuck in one of his radii, returned Red’s hold and was soon in tears himself.

 

It must have been half an hour before they had calmed down. Much to the displeasure of the nurse that checked up on them, Red ended up in the hospital bed as well, cradling Blue in his lap. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his boyfriend’s skull. “Sweetheart…” he croaked, “Can you… can you tell me what happened..?”

 

Blue somehow managed to snuggle ever closer to him, and let out a shuddering breath. “Okay. Just… d-don’t stop holding me…”

 

Red tightened his grip. “I’ll be dust before I let go.”

 

He felt Blue’s hand bunch into a fist from its place atop his sternum as he slowly began his tale.

 

\---

 

_He was in an arcade. He hadn’t been to one in years, but Rus wanted to take the trip, so of course he was happy to go with him, seeing as they were best friends. Things had gone wonderfully at first. They had competitions to see who could down the most of the refillable drinks, and dominated all of the mindless games, debating what cheap prizes they wanted to exchange their tickets for._ _Rus got a call at one point, so he stepped outside to take it. Blue continued on at the pinball machine he was beating into submission, but all of his progress was lost when he fumbled upon hearing a muffled voice whisper into the side of his skull._

 

_“Hey there, blue boy. What’ve you been up to?”_

 

_Blue had whipped around to find himself surrounded by four monsters, each of them dressed up in suits that gave them canine or feline features. Of course plenty of monsters were naturally anthropomorphic, but these were quite disturbing to look at, with their bright colors and uncannily big eyes._

 

_“Um, I uh- p-playing these games?” he tried, uncertain of what these newcomers wanted from him._

 

_One of the mystery monsters placed one of the large paws of their costume on the pinball machine, effectively trapping Blue against it and completely violating his personal space._ _“Well I can see that, sweet cheeks. But I think you’ve been doing that for long enough, hmm?”_

 

_Another one of the monsters moved in on him. “Yeah, baby doll. Don’t you remember us?”_

 

_Blue was beyond uncomfortable by this point. He certainly did not recognize these monsters’ voices, and the almost flirtatious aggression was making his bones prickle uncomfortably. The worst part, however, was the pet names. Nobody but Red had ever called him things like that before - although coming from him, the undoubtedly much more tasteful names were wonderful. From these strangers, however… Sweat began to drip down his spine._ _“N-No?”_

 

_The monster that had first invaded his space chuckled lowly. “Why, it’s me, Big Dick Davey.”_

 

_“And me, Large Schlong Sean.”_

 

_“Humongous Penis Paul over here.”_

 

_“Don’t forget about me,” the fourth piped up, “Towering Wang William.”_

 

_Blue was trembling, terror coursing through him. “Ngh…” All he could manage was a choked whimper._

 

_“Want to see our eggplants?” all four of them asked lowly._

 

_If his voice hadn’t have fled from him, Blue would’ve screamed no, but he didn’t think that would have stopped them anyway. They reached into their fursuits, and out came eggplants. Literal eggplants. They threw them at him, and his vision started to blur as they beat him with the produce, over and over, until his consciousness fled._

 

\---

 

Red’s breath hitched, and tears pricked at the back of his sockets. “Oh my god, Blue…” The tears spilled over just as he felt his chest grow wet with his alternate's. “I’m so, _so_ sorry…”

 

“Just… stay with me…” Blue mewled, body shuddering with its weak little sobs.

 

Red did, and as the hours ticked by, he felt his resolve growing. Big Dick Davey and his similarly named pals were going to _pay_ for what they did to Blue. They were going to pay dearly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was all based on a call with a friend. Some crazy stuff was going down and then to honor it, they suggested I write crack inspired by it.
> 
> "people will die in furry suits and then.... eggplant"
> 
> Sorry nobody actually died in the fursuits. Aw. 
> 
> (((P.S. Me and the mentioned friend are furries so this was not meant to be offensive to those of us who enjoy anthropomorphic animals, I promise...)))


	14. Broken Cheeks and a Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue is sick and tired of being treated like an ignorant and innocent child, so he puts on a show that will leave no questions in anybody's mind that he is neither of those things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [NSFW]
> 
> Some uh... cum inflation kinda snuck its way into this chapter so just... be warned...
> 
> My hopelessness has no end.
> 
> Also, by the way, now I'm calling UT Papyrus 'Basil'.

Blue was confused. All he had done was vaguely imply that intimacy was a part of him and Red’s relationship, and now everyone in the room was staring at him with their jaws agape, while his boyfriend was of course a blushing mess beside him.

 

“...What?” he eventually questioned, raising a browbone. Had he somehow violated a major social boundary without realizing it?

 

“Sans?” Stretch eventually choked out, “How do you…”

 

“How do I what?” This was getting ridiculous. 

 

“I… never got the impression…” Black mumbled, “That you… um…”

 

“...Knew what sex was.” Comic finished for him.

 

It took a while for everything to sink in, but once it had, Blue was horrified. “W-What?? You think I’m… _that_ ignorant?”

 

Stretch reached up to scratch at the back of his skull, averting his eyes. “Well I mean I never really gave you ‘the talk’ and you never said anything about it so…”

 

That was it. This was the last straw. “I can’t believe this!” Blue shouted into the room, jumping to his feet. “I am in my twenties!!! I am in a relationship and have been for years!!! I have full internet access!!! Just- how could you think- I-I-” He stopped, and took a deep breath. “What the heck.” He pressed his mouth into a thin line. “No, that’s not good enough. What the hell. What the _fuck_.”

 

He ignored the shocked gasp from the people around him and whipped around to face Red. “Can you believe this?!?!?”

 

He didn’t give the monster a chance to respond, and turned back to the others in the room. “Just because I don’t constantly talk about dicks and wanting to stick mine in something doesn’t mean that I have that desire, or that I take action to satisfy it!!”

 

Slim suddenly gasped again, interrupting him. “Wait, you’re top??? I had a bet going that when you eventually found things out you’d be exclusively bottom!!!”

 

Blue allowed himself to further die inside while the spiky bastard before him continued on.

 

“Holy shit, now I owe multiple people 100 G, oh no-”

 

“YES,” Blue suddenly screamed, all of his control having had evaporated. “I AM INDEED TOP, AND RED IS A BOTTOM. AN ENTHUSIASTIC ONE AT THAT, TOO.”

 

He pounced on his lover. “LET’S FUCK, RIGHT NOW. WE’LL SHOW THEM JUST HOW WRONG THEY ARE.”

 

Again, Red had no time to respond. Blue was determined to prove himself. Through sheer willpower alone, he had soon conjured the biggest hard-on of his life and as soon as he pulled it out of his pants, everyone in the room choked on their breath.

 

“hE’s GiGaNtIc,” Basil squeaked from the background. 

 

“YES I AM,” Blue hollered. “I AM HUNG AS FUCK AND INTEND TO USE THAT TO MY ADVANTAGE, LIKE SO.”

 

A second later, Red had a huge dick down his throat, and Blue was sneering at the shocked faces around him. “See that? This sweet boy here can take it like a champ.”

 

Red gurgled around his cock, nodding in agreement as tears beaded in the corners of his eyes. Blue caressed the side of his partner’s face, gave him gentle praise, then facefucked him with the power of the goddamn sun. 

 

By the time he was emptying his load into Red’s recently summoned and very willing stomach, all of his house guests had fallen completely silent from how stunned they were. Blue eased himself out of Red’s mouth, and gave him time to breathe, letting his slick, twitching cock bask in the gaze of his brother and their friends. It was coated in thick crimson saliva, stained purple in some areas from where his precum had gotten mixed in. 

 

Predictably, a trembling, clawed hand wrapped around it sooner rather than later, and Red fell to his knees before him, a pathetic plea on his tongue. He didn’t have to ask twice. Blue tore the Fell monster’s shorts off, revealing how he had made a sticky mess of himself with his own precum. Blue, already equipped with plenty of lubrication, grabbed Red, pulled him up into his lap, then quickly sunk him down onto his length. Blue’s audience remained silent still as he fucked the everliving hell out of Red in every sex position he could think of, filling him up with load after load of cum until his normally small midsection had swelled up and distended to fit all of the ectoplasm that had been pumped into him.

 

And as for how Red was fairing? He was a mess, having long since made an absolute disaster of himself with tears and sweat and cum and just about everything else his body could have produced. He was finally given solace after well over an hour of Blue’s rough treatment, when the Swap skeleton slowly pulled out of him and allowed his hand to loosen its grip around his cock.

 

Blue sat up, and made eye contact with everyone in the room as he slowly licked Red’s fluids off the hand. He was oddly pleased to see that his guests all had very obvious and very painful looking erections in their pants, of which they could of course do nothing about. “So, how many bets have you lost now?”

 

They all looked at each other, finally closed their mouths, and wheezed out their answers. 

 

“All of them.”

 

Blue chuckled lowly, and crossed his arms. “How heartbreaking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is at the courtesy of a friend of mine, bless their heart.
> 
> Also, in case you couldn't tell, this stemmed from my anger at how a lot of the fandom treats Blue.


End file.
